I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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