Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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