Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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