Can Purell be used as lube?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
