There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
