I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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