I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
