Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
These tits shall not be calmed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
