And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
