um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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