I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
