i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
