You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
