So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
