I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
