Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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