allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
