Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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