Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want her autograph on my taint
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
