fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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