I cockslap morals
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
