oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I only lived at night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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