Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
