Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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