She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
