i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
