oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
