Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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