I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
