using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
