actually, I'm a sock model
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
