I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
