forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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