At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
