I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
