Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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