i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
