I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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