You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
