This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
