WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
