i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
