Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
