Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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