Already got asked if we're dating
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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