Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
