Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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