it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
