the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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