was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
