if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
