I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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